Today’s post is a little more personal and open than I usually get on my blog. My posts are usually light and airy, highlighting the fun and beautiful parts of life, but life isn’t always so simple.
My aunt has been sick for some time now; the evils of cancer causing her pain all over.
Today, the world lost a beautiful soul. A wonderful mother who loved and cherished her three daughters who each have a unique and beautiful part of her inside of them. From one’s feisty and rebellious spirit to another’s hilarious sense of humor and another’s kind-hearted, nurturing soul.
A sister who held my mother together through the loss of their mother and four other siblings and showed the truest friendship a human being can experience.
A grandmother, whose grandchildren adore her more than she will ever know. An aunt who always showed her nieces unconditional love no matter what, a friend whose warm presence will be missed by many and a parapro whose students loved her dearly.
In my lifetime, my family has seen a lot of death. I don’t know why that life path was chosen for us, but it is something we have seen a lot. People always have the best intentions, but they never really know what to say. Hearing things like “God has a reason for everything” and “she’s in a better place” now feel empty and awkward.
As my mother and her children and the rest of us take on this huge weight of pain and sadness, I have to think of all of the pain and sadness she was feeling before her death. She hadn’t felt good in so long. Even as she became sicker, she worried and felt sad about leaving us behind. But now, we’ve taken that pain on for her. She no longer has to lie there hurting and suffering. She no longer has to feel sad about missing out on life after she’s gone and worry about everyone being okay. She can finally rest now and and be at peace.
Because of all of the death we’ve already seen, there are many wonderful people embracing her as she leaves us. I can’t imagine the joy she’s feeling in getting to see her mother again, her brothers and her beautiful sister, Margie.
When you smell the faint scent of hairspray or Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue know she is with you. When you think you hear her laugh in the distance, know she is watching over you. When the ambrosia and potato salad doesn’t taste quite the same at Thanksgiving, know she wishes she could be there.
During the end of my high school career, I went through a phase where I called all of my friends “skanks”. My now, more mature, feminist self cringes at the thought. But one time, my Aunt Tricia called the house and I, without thinking, said, “hey skank!”. Her reaction was so funny. She was so shocked and then laughed until she almost cried. From then on out, I couldn’t help but call her “skank” every time I saw her.
So, all I have to say is… I love you skank. Thank you for being such a good aunt and loving me no matter how often I came to visit and no matter how many times we tricked you about who was picking up the phone. Thank you for always cooking the best Thanksgiving dressing and for always making sure we got more to eat even when we thought we couldn’t eat one more bite. Thank you for taking care of my mom through all of the bad times. I promise I’ll try my best to take just as good care of her and I will be there for your girls the same way.
Please tell Grandma I say “hi”. I love you forever and I know that in the end, we will all be together again.