The Dreaded Question…”So When Are You Getting Engaged?”

proposals

Now, let me start off by noting that I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The people who ask me (which is almost everyone) have the best intentions. They want to make conversation, be invested in my life and are oh so sweet, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out when I get asked “so, where’s the ring?”

Because I’ve been with my boyfriend since age 14, I live in the South and I’ve been working in my career for almost two years, it just seems to make sense to people. They don’t understand what the hold up is. I know I’m not the only girl who’s dealing with this… actually it may be just as bad for the guys, but please people, stop asking!

I really think in this day and age, people aren’t seeing marriage as the end all, be all. Of course, we want to find a soulmate and have them around for life, but there’s plenty of time. It’s not like when our parents were our age and got married in their early twenties, just to turn around and have children a year or so after. We all have big ambitions and dreams and at this point they take precedence. Some people still choose to marry early and for them I’m happy that they are achieving what fulfills them, but it’s not for me.

I love my boyfriend and am completely content with where I am. As I grow up, I’m finding that many people, years older than me, are in happy relationships, but don’t feel the need to get married yet. Why is there so much pressure? I hear that in other parts of the country, it’s not the same. Here in the South though, people think that if someone’s the right one for you, you marry them. I’ve actually had someone go as far before as saying, “I can tell he’s not the one for you”. It was in one of my first conversations with the person and I barely had said two sentences in regards to my relationship. It all hinged on the fact that I mentioned we weren’t quite ready for marriage. I couldn’t believe the audacity of that person to tell me that. It’s not that he’s not the one. If he were to ask me today to marry him, I could in full confidence say “yes”, but I’d also probably say I want a pretty lengthy engagement because I’m just not ready.

I still want to move to new cities, try a few jobs and save up money so I can have the wedding that I want. Not to mention, having tried these things, I will be content when the time comes and being a good wife and mother will become one of my top priorities. My best friend is getting married in May and I think it took her getting engaged and me seeing everything for real for it to hit me that I’m not ready. I used to think I was and she actually is. She graduated from college before me and both of them are in a more prepared, better place in life for it. But, when her and her fiance recently came to town, it really freaked me out. After they left, I felt crazy, but I just sat and cried with my boyfriend freaking out about how I’m not ready to grow up that much, how I am not mature enough to be a good wife and how there’s so many things I want to do. Being the soulmate that I love, he just held me and told me he knew I felt that way and that’s why he hasn’t asked yet.

I think as girls we need to empower ourselves. If being married and being a wife is your life goal, be the best wife and mom you can be, but if your goal is to make it big, climb up a company, reinvent yourself, whatever, do it. Don’t put a timeline on your relationship and expect it to be like anyone else’s. There’s nothing wrong with not planning your life around marriage and by waiting. There’s no reason to push yourself into it and have it result in a divorce years down the road because you just weren’t ready. We’re a different generation and I think we each need to decide how we want our lives to play out and do it our own way. Who agrees?

C’est la vie,

Anna

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6 thoughts on “The Dreaded Question…”So When Are You Getting Engaged?”

  1. Wesslie says:

    Who’s to say you can’t be married AND still pursue your goals of being a total badass in your career? I’d like to think that’s the path I’m on 🙂

    • annamullikin says:

      You’re right, you totally can, but for me there are some things I want to do and there are some things my boyfriend wants to do that would be really hard to do if we were married… like moving to a new town the other one isn’t ready to go to or working all night on amazing proposals when they’re at home alone. It’s completely possible and I hope that’s me too, just not right now. 🙂

      • Wesslie says:

        I’m with ya, girl! Everyone has their own path they want to take. Just because it doesn’t fit into what someone else thinks should be happening, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. People just need to be a little more respectful! If I had a dollar for every time I got asked when I was having a baby, I’d be a rich woman by now.

  2. Jamie says:

    Cool blog, Anna. I just saw it today from your post on fb.

    I second Wesslie. Brandon and I were married for 5 years before kids and we traveled the world and did all kinds of great things together before kids because kids are the major game changer in my opinion. Getting married wasn’t so much different than being in a committed relationship, but kids have changed my life and exponentially more with each addition. I would say getting married just gave me a partner in my adventures and helped me to do more bold things than I would have done as a single, like living overseas.

    But let me tell you. The questions about having babies were the worst. One time when I was asked about it, I responded with, “You can’t have babies if you don’t have a uterus.” And she looked mortified. I informed her that I did in fact have a uterus but not everyone did. Something to think about.

    I’m glad you’re doing what you want and not living to please others. That would not make you happy and ultimately would be a mistake. I’m proud of you and your hard work.

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