You may ask, what makes you the love expert? Well in fact, I’m not one. Actually, I would say I’m still very much so not in the know about love. I am one of those girls constantly reading the articles that pop up on Facebook, sticking my nose into Cosmo and asking my boyfriend the lists of questions you should ask before getting married. With that being said, I have been with my boyfriend since around age 14. I would say our relationship has been far from perfect, but yet I love him more and more everyday and he continues to make me happy. I don’t call him my high school sweetheart, because I’ve just never been a fan of the phrase. For one, he wasn’t that sweet in high school 😉 and I think that puts so much stress on a relationship to be perfect and to end up in everlasting marriage. Anyway, after my many years of being with this boy I’ve learned a few things that not only make me love him more, but overall make me love my relationship. I see a ton of people in relationships they don’t love… they create more stress and anger than enjoyment. So, here are a few things that I’ve found help my relationship and maybe they’ll help yours currently or in the future too.
1. Stop dwelling on things from the past
Now I’m not saying forgive the boy for everything he’s ever done wrong. DEFINITELY not saying that. There are lots of things that are break-up worthy and shouldn’t just be forgotten, but there are some things you need to stop beating yourself up over. Whether you wake up every morning thinking I remember that comment he made about what a great body that girl has and allowing that to make you insecure about your own body or you have a constant reminder in the back of your head that you weren’t the first girl he had sex with, let it go. Now, it could be a number of things that come to your mind and honestly they probably won’t stop arriving everyday, but it’s your choice what to do with them. You can let them ruin your mood and lower your self confidence or you can empower yourself and fight them off. The worst thing you could do is bring them to him. Of course, at first if it’s something that is really bothering you, you should let him know and you should talk it through. But if it’s a topic y’all have discussed time and time again and there’s no changing it, don’t keep coming to him with it. As much as it gets you down, he will feel hopeless in the relationship, having apologized more times than he can count and genuinely feeling guilty every time you talk about it. It will leave you guys in a funk you can never get out of. I’m sure that you have done things yourself and it would be so frustrating if he never let you live them down. So whenever the thought comes, replace it with “he loves me and that’s why he’s chooses ME everyday” or “The first girl he had sex with was just some drunken stupid mistake and it’s way better with me anyway”. I’m telling you, this will make you enjoy your relationship so much more.
2. Stop comparing your relationship to other people’s
This one is a hard one. With social media these days, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. …Well, all of my friends are getting married, or she always gets flowers at work, or her rock is HUGE! Stop, just stop. We all have different personalities, so remember there are probably things about her boyfriend you would hate. Sure, he might be totally laid-back and sweet, but he might also be frequenting strip clubs on the weekends. He may always randomly bring her flowers, but he might also be saying sorry each time for treating her so badly when others aren’t around. You never know the circumstances and you just need to remember that you chose your guy for a reason. There are things you love so much about him and most likely things he does that other guys don’t and other girls wish their boyfriends did.
3. Don’t let sex be a big thing
Like I said, I’m constantly reading Cosmo and other articles. People harp on sex being such a big thing and how important it is that couples have sex before marriage in case it’s bad. You have to remember that if you truly love someone, it’s going to be good. Now it might not be amazing every time, but when it’s not, he loves you enough to listen to what you do and don’t like and to work on that. Because you really love him and you’re comfortable, you can talk about these things and try new ones. Not to mention, if sex really is that big of a thing to you, you don’t love your relationship. It’s important to be able to be intimate with your boyfriend without having sex, whether that means that y’all can talk about important and deep topics, that you enjoy a good foot rub and dinner as much as a sex session or that you guys can just sit together in silence and feel love emanating there. So, like I said, don’t let sex be a big thing. You aren’t going to be as good as the porn stars (which is so unrealistic anyway), it’s not going to last an hour or probably even 30 minutes for that matter and there are way better things in a relationship to love than sex. That being said, when you love your relationship, sex will be a really easy and fun thing.
4. Finally, stop over analyzing what love is
This is a huge problem for me. I am always analyzing and over analyzing everything, including my love life until recently. We spend so much time trying to figure out if he is the one and if he passes all the tests and if I can spend my whole life dealing with the little bit of pee he drips on the ground beside the toilet. What good does this do? How is it going to help you out if you figure out today at this very moment if he is or isn’t your “one”? I think this tip is truly the most important for me, because I’m not married, I haven’t figured out my life yet, but why not just enjoy each other? You know you care about each other, you know that this relationship is good for you for now, just take it day by day and if he is the right one it will work out. If not, it will eventually fall apart and you will find the right one, but having had a good, enjoyable relationship in the past that led you to the right one. I think it’s so important to love your boyfriend and love the feeling you get from him and just trust that things will work out just like they’re supposed to.
Just to repeat myself, I don’t think I’m a love expert. I didn’t pull articles for you with statistics and tips from psychologists that claim to understand love. I’m not even trying to tell you about how to find the one or how to love your partner more, I’m just trying to help you love you and your relationship more. To enjoy the present and have high hopes for the future. It’s all a girl can hope to do, right?
C’est la vie,